


Can't Date Yourself

by Doctoring



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Family, Gen, Meddling Parents, One Shot, Parent-Child Relationship, match making, parenting, writersmonth2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 10:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctoring/pseuds/Doctoring
Summary: After Jefferson realizes that Miles is Spider-Man, he tries to support him without letting him know the secret is out. Meanwhile, Rio assumes Mile’s obsession with Spider-Man is more akin to a secret crush.Which is why she’s trying to use Jefferson’s connections to set her son up with Spider-Man.Written for Writer’s Month. Word Prompt: family





	Can't Date Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on tumblr, I've been thinking about writing something along the lines of "Rio trying to set up Miles with Spider-Man" for a while now. And with enough wine, I finally did it. Enjoy this beautiful disaster.

Last night, Officer Davis chats with Spider-Man after he apprehends to would-be robbers. He invites the neighborhood hero to a celebration near the police station that Friday.

“We want to commemorate the accomplishments of the whole neighborhood and the willingness of the community to work together to improve safety. It’s like a block party, but there’s still a formal aspect to it.”

“Sound great!”

“And we want you to be the guest speaker.”

“Wait what?” Spider-Man says, forgetting to add bass to his voice to help disguise it.

Officer Davis laughs. “I know how busy you can be, trust me, _I know_. You got this crime fighting, and probably a lot of school work, like a big test coming up on Wednesday which I’m sure you’re studying for, but it would mean so much to us if you could just try to show up, shake several dozen hands, and say a few words about working together and whatnot.”

“I don’t-”

Officer Davis gives him the same look he gives Miles when Miles tries to argue with him.

“Sure… I’ll see what I can do.”

“What you can do is show up Friday! 5:00!” Office Davis calls out to him, as Spider-Man swings away.

_Shoot. I’m glad he said something about my test on Wednesday, need to get back to studying… but why in the world would he say that to Spider-Man?_

_Guess he’s just worried about me._

The next day, Miles calls his Dad. They chat for a while, his dad catching up with him about his schoolwork, and mentioning on-goings with his police work. He casually brings up the event near the police station, making it clear that he doesn’t expect Miles to go.

How can he, when he’s already going as Spider-Man?

However, it’s then that Rio snatches the phone from Jefferson. “Your father is clearly concerned about the schoolwork, but I’m sure you’re on top of it. You _are_ on top of it, right?”

“Uh, yeah, mom. Always.”

“Good. So we expect you to come this Friday!”

Miles can hear his dad struggling to get his phone back from her.

“Besides, I heard from a _very reliable source_ that Spider-Man is going to be there! Don’t you want to meet Spider-Man?”

“Uh, mom, well-”

“You _like_ him, don’t you? So you should meet him!”

Miles tries to argue with her, but she says the oven timer just went off. With a quick farewell, she hangs up on Miles.

Miles tries to call back, but his dad doesn’t answer.

_Shoot. She’s probably in one of her ‘DINNER FIRST!’ kind of moods._

He tries again, but to no avail. He spends the rest of the night worrying how serious his mother was, and if he can actually manage going to the celebration as both Spider-Man and Officer Davis’s son.

The day of the block party arrives, and Miles is a fumbling mess. He tries to keep his cool, but he still hasn’t worked out all the details of his speech. He wants to practice it some more, but there’s no way he can practice reciting a speech and have his parents overhear it, just to hear the same speech hours later given by Spider-Man.

An hour before the start of the event, Jefferson peaks into Mile’s room. “Hey, you wanna go ahead and get on over there? Maybe, go and find a quiet place to do whatever you might need to do?”

Miles gives him a confused look but also starts plotting how he can use this extra time to get Spider-Man ready for his guest-of-honor speech.

“Oh, no, no, no, no! We are going together, _as a family_. Besides, I kinda want to meet this Spider-Man first. I’m certain he’s good for Miles, but I just want to be _sure_.”

“Good for me? What… what are you talking about?”

“You know, I love and support you, no matter who you love, dear.”

Miles struggles to object, to come up with a reason to get her past this illusion, but he’s a bit distracted by his father making weird faces in the background, as if he’s struggling to process all this as well. Rio notices Miles staring at something to the side and looks at Jefferson.

“You have a problem if Miles end up falling for another guy?” Rio gives him a challenging look.

“Uh, no! Of course not! I’m just not sure that-”

“Love is Love, Jefferson! And there’s honestly probably no one more decent than Spider-Man. I mean, maybe someone who leans more to the good citizen side and less towards the vigilante side, but he’s still good. You started warming up to him months ago, and even more recently you’ve been saying how proud you were of Spider-Man.”

Jefferson struggles to come up with an excuse for his hesitance towards Rio’s matchmaking, as Miles struggles with his own confusing feelings.

_Dad’s proud of me-proud of Spider-Man? That’s awesome! But just because he’s proud of him doesn’t mean mom has to try to set us up. I don’t even see how she plans to do that._

Both Miles and Jefferson figured out her plan as they made it to the block party. She had intended on having Jefferson introduce Miles to Spider-Man after his speech. Miles tried to argue that you shouldn’t bombard celebrities like that, to which his mother replied that Spider-Man is not a celebrity, just a hero that loves his city. Jefferson tries to argue that he’ll probably be surrounded by security, to which Rio says, “Aren’t _you_ security? I’m sure you can manage something.”

Fifteen minutes before Spider-Man was due to give his speech, Miles tries to sneak away. His mother spots him, and tries to stop him, saying he needs to stay with the family.

“But, uh…but… I got a stomachache! One of _those_ kinds of stomachaches.”

“Just let him run to the bathroom really quick. I’m sure he’ll be at the stage _right on time_,” Jefferson says, holding up a hand to stop Rio from coddling him more.

“Yeah! I’ll be there. Can’t miss it!” Miles says, running into the precinct.

Jefferson follows after him, shouting, “In case you need to crack a window, go to the bathrooms on the third floor.”

“DAAAD!” Miles whined as he switches directions for the stairs.

_Wait, no, that could work… I could sneak out the window of the bathroom… yeah, that’s how I’ll get out and back in…_

Miles, as Spider-Man, ended up fumbling on his speech a bit when he sees his mother in the audience, looking around for him.

As soon as he ends his spiel, the Police chief asks for him to talk to some of the other officers, and he ends up shaking hands and taking photographs for quite some time. Eventually, he sees his parents at the front of the line. Jefferson was saying it was okay for them to go ahead and meet Spider-Man, while Rio was arguing that they should wait for Miles.

Eventually, Rio caves in, saying, “Fine… he was probably nervous about meeting his crush anyways.”

With a heavy sigh, Jefferson says, “I don’t… I don’t think that’s-”

Miles watches Jefferson make the same expression he typically makes when he realizes he can’t win the argument with his wife.

Spider-Man shakes their hands, making pleasantries. Before Rio walks off, she says, “You should really meet my son, Miles. I’d think you’d like him.” She winks before turning towards Jefferson, adding, “You can make that happen, right? Have Miles go out to meet Spider-Man, as long as it’s not a school night?”

“Ah, yeah… sure…” Jefferson says, throwing up his hand in surrender.

Spider-Man tries to argue about safety and whatever else he can think of as an excuse, but Rio walks off, talking about how excited she is for Miles.

Later, Miles, back in his jeans and t-shirt, catches back up with his parents, hog dog in hand. His dad smiled at him, giving him a proud look, but Rio was not pleased.

“Where were you!? You missed Spider-Man!”

“Uh, no I didn’t. I saw his speech, from the back.”

“I meant you missed _meeting_ him.”

“Well, I…” Miles makes a lot of motions with his hand, unable to talk his way out of this.

“Don’t worry dear, I’ll make sure Miles can meet him soon.”

Rio gave her husband a delighted look before kissing his cheek.

Later, when Rio was talking to one of the other moms in the neighborhood, Miles confronted his father about what he said regarding meeting Spider-Man.

“So… I don’t think I should go meet Spider-Man. I mean, between school and-”

Jefferson waves him off. “Oh no, I don’t think it’s a good idea either.”

“REALLY!?” Miles was ecstatic.

“Yeah, um… Meeting him at the block party is one thing, but I don’t think… I don’t think it’s safe to go out while he’s working and-”

“Exactly! That’s… that can be dangerous!”

“I’m glad you understand, son.”

Miles feels his hope rise, and his shoulder untense for the first time all day.

“However, there’s still one issue,” Jefferson continues, not looking at Miles anymore.

_Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no._

“W-what’s the issue?”

“Your mom still has her heart set on you getting with Spider-Man.”

“I don’t get to _get_ with him. I can just say I met him. He’s a cool dude. Probably the coolest guy we know. The end.”

“You know your mom. You know she’s going to just keep pressing the issue afterwards and saying when are you going to meet again, and-”

“Oh, my goodness… you’re right…” Miles sat on the steps of the precinct, stressing all over again. He runs a hand over his face as his dad sits down next to him. “So, what am I going to do?”

Jefferson shrugs. “I guess… I guess you can just say you met up a few times… maybe like, were together for a w-”

“Together!? What do you mean together!?” Miles turned to his dad, looking distraught and confused.

“I mean… together… like, you went out or something, whatever. Labels, no labels. That’s your life, your choices. But… together…” Miles noted the way his dad appeared uncomfortable talking about this, almost half as uncomfortable as Miles felt just hearing it. “Just for a week or two… then just say you’re both too busy. You with school, and him with saving the city. You know, just enough to get this whole crazy idea out of her system.”

“So, I have to…” Miles lowers his voice, hissing, “I have to pretend-date Spider-Man to make mom happy!?”

Jefferson claps him on the shoulder, smiling at him. “Exactly! I’m glad you understand!”

Miles groans, staring after his dad when he walks away.

_The things I do for family._

The End.


End file.
